About That Chain Saw

So, the last time I mentioned to someone (oh wait, it was a man - my neighbor) that I wanted to buy a chainsaw, he hurried over with his own and asked me what needed to be done. His horrified look made me wonder just what trouble he thought I could get into. Somewhere between vaguely amusing and annoying. I went out and bought one that very same afternoon. The boys and I tested it out on two or three seasons of branch crashes in the yard. Chain saws have to be emptied though - otherwise they leak oily stuff all over the garage floor. Yuck and smelly mess. One year we put plastic underneath it. Better. Still a mess though. The chains fall off and they need repair. I hear it's all because I wasn't taking good enough care of my tools. Can't even think that with a straight face - never mind say it. 

I'm hesitant to mention that I can't find it. How does one go about losing a chainsaw - exactly? It's not that small. As most people will tell you, I don't keep a lot of extra stuff around. Has a kind of vicious looking rotating chain that's hard to miss. I must have loaned it to someone or given it away - right? 

I need it back. 

The winter of 2013/2014 was difficult for the trees in the backyard. I lost some pretty good size branches. And like that last snow on the driveway, I saw the branches had fallen, inspected them briefly to be sure nothing or no one got injured as a result of landing hard enough to shatter - and left them alone to wait for better weather. Yesterday I got a good look. Oops. I should call the tree guy. In the last ten years I've spent thousands of dollars pruning trees, removing trees and gathering up the remains of tree branches that decided suicide was indeed the answer. If only I could have talked them out of it. My trees don't listen either. I don't want to call the tree guy. Would rather have the deck instead this year. Or finish the front steps. 

Positive spin is that my yard has lots of sunshine now. Less bugs and small critters. Did I tell you about the Red Tailed Hawk, the Owls? How about the Red Foxes? They're really lovely to watch. Sometimes in the middle of winter they come out in the morning to sun themselves on the snow. Very cool. I must have complained about the family dozen Deer that insist on using my yard as their personal playground. There is of course the story about the horse that ate my garden and then that turkey that landed spread eagle on the front steps. No? Another day perhaps. 

But, this is why I felt compelled to check for survivors when those branches came down. Happy to report that no one was injured as a result of the latest round of branchicides - except of course for the trees. I probably have to trim back those gaping splinters - but they are way high - and I don't like ladders all that much. What to do, what to do? I know, I know, call the tree guy.  

I could cut it up for firewood, by hand. I must have a hand saw. OK maybe not, but I could totally justify buying one of those. Don't even have to argue with myself. Every newly "Nest 4 Oner" should have a decent hand saw. Hard to believe I didn't buy one when I got the sledgehammer. I love sledgehammers. Nothing quite so satisfying as the explosion of whatever comes in contact with it at the right speed. Good exercise. No need for the gym.

Like my other tools, I'll need to paint the handle pink. No lie. I buy tools that have flowers on them or something "made for women" (as much as I loathe that distinction) so that any contractor or male of the species who is not paying attention, does not mistake it for their own and carry it away with them. Oh, maybe that's what happened to the chain saw? 

Maybe someone left it in the yard by the old woodpile. I hope not. That means it's ruined. I'll have to go look. Good thing it's a beautiful day outside.